Europe against GMO crops! Please, sign the Avaaz petition!
I already did. It's us who decide, not Monsanto!!!

Lies, Lies, Lies

I'm so young. Obviously.
I just came to realize what's the most important skill in our life. To be able to lie.
You may think truth is always better, but people don't want to hear the truth. They want to be lied. The ask to be lied. They require it from you.
In the moment you start being honest, they feel angry. They are scared, because if you're both lying then no one has to change. And no one wants to change.
We can never live for ever with this attitude. Or course, we'll die at some point- we become useless- no one wants to change, to learn new things, to change the perspective. The only way to do it is to die and be born again. Until the next turn. It generally and particularly sucks.
I wanted to have a life and a love that is pure. Without the usual contamination, without the usual shit. Could I have it? Probably. Definitely.
Should I have it? Hm.Interesting.
You give you best to the person you love, you adore him and make compromises with things you're not compromise with. You wait for that change. You wait, and wait. But the change is always marginal, not existing, because the other doesn't care. Because he finds it normal to be that way. Well, IT ISN'T!
Two days ago, I had to make a choice. A choice equal to cutting my hand. Forgive me the drama. But It's way too dramatic for me anyway. So I had to make that choice.
To say "yes" or to say "no". If I said yes, my life'd change in unpredicted and probably bad way, if i said no, it'll stay the same. But you know what, we all have the right to seek for perfectness. We all have the right to live in a fairy tale. Or as close to it as possible. I accept everyone has flaws, I know you can't be perfect. But you can try. And i never tried. Because i believed patience and love and good faith will just help. Well, they didn't. Or the did in a weird way.
The funny thing is that in going for the "yes" I knew I'd lose some self-respect, that I'd do something I think bad. I knew it, but i knew I should do it. Cuz as long as you always behave, people around you decide they don't have to be win your good behavior. That you're final. Well, I'm not final. I want to live for ever. I want to be new everyday.And this is not the way.
I love my love. I love him more than anything on this world. I love him as much as I love my self. Which is a lot. So,in a way I did it for him too. Cuz I don't believe this is the way to live. Life should be lived with passion. So passion it is!

P.S. Each and every person I asked for advice, told me to lie. Told me it's the way it should be. The way everybody does. Why? Tell me why! I'm obviously so young.

Recently I played on Overlord and had to overcome the major problem with the grass in Heaven's Peak. I even decided I'll just leave the game aside, because there was no way to do it.
Well, actually there is a way to do it and it's quite simple-cut the grass with your mouse!

The scheme provided on other sites was really helpful:
5 6
4 7 12 13
3 8 11 14
2 9 10 15
1 16
the order you have to cut it as seen from women's balcony. But there was something way way more important. You don't have to run around to do it. You should only hold "shift" and press the left mouse button and the little idiots will mow it themselves. You'll have to just guide them, which offers much more freedom to move them around quickly. From then on, I found the position in the empty spot between the two grassy parts near the balcony is best to guide them. And that's it. Once I figured I can do it with the mouse, it took me 3 tries. You just have to try it few times and well, have a decent mouse.

Now I don't think that's the hardest part of the game, because if you remember what the game taught you like million times-how to guide and move objects with your minions, you'll do it in 5 minutes. Well, I don't have to mention that I spent hours on that and that I didn't find that information in ANY other site and I figured it when I watched a youtube video of a guy mowing the lawn and realised he's not running in front of the minions, he's guiding them. From then on, it was just simple.

So that's it. I hope you all find this information helpful. And since my blog isn't about gaming, feel free to check what it is about. Life is much much more interesting than any other game.
Good luck all!


A new month, a new beginning. Last month, it was all about fighting with vices and passions. This month starts the same way.
First of all i'd like to share some insights I gained over the last month. For me August was marked with the face of death and the fire of anger. It was hard to overcome all those emotions, but somehow I did. Kind of.
But when all those storms abated, I figured something important. I was so shocked by my encounter with death, I could barely speak. I didn't know if I acted the right way, if I didn't doom to even more suffering someone I know.
Now I think I know what it was all about. The whole time I presumed I was the one that saved my grand mother, that I bring her back to life. That I could be guilty for not letting her go. Now, I can see clearly. I wasn't nothing but a tool. I did what I did, but she was dead. She started breathing on her own. I gave up, I was acting automatically, and then there was the roar, the moan, of the air fighting for his passage to the lungs. Of the lungs battling for they right to live. I helped a lot, all right. But I couldn't have changed her destiny- it was she who chose life. She did it. She decided to come back. For me, or not, it was her decision. I simply had to be there, to do what I can, to respect that decision. That was amazing opportunity. Unbelievable. I mean, how many people can say they have seen someone goes and then comes back again, alone. Yes, they save lives every day in hospitals. But i'm not a doctor. I'm just a girl. And now I see this even as a gift. A gift I couldn't quite appreciate when it happened but which now I can at least acknowledge.
It was like maturing. I spent so many sleepless nights in fear from death. And in just one hour, I saw her for what it is. The pure, unpolished natural act of leaving the body. Of going away.
And the body, while left alone, it was so innocent. So..beautiful. Yes, even on 70, it was still beautiful. Dark, dying, decaying, but perfect. A machine, that we still can only awe to. The spirit might give us the glow and the power, but our body by itself is so utterly fragile. Like a baby. Like a piece of art that someone created and now we have to use and take care of. It was so clean, it was so empty, but yet awaiting. It required peace, but it lacked the fire. It needed it. It begged for it. Like the most brilliant glass, that's simply not complete without the fine wine you put in it. The vessel crying for it's purpose.
A painful moment to remember and yet enriching every time you manage to not give in to the pain and pity and fear and all those feelings that arise when we see something so great.
I thank for that moment. I thank for the possibility to see the creation in such a deep level. Because although it was scary and maybe normal for the doctors seeing this ever day, for me, it was lit by the love I felt. The love that cries, the love that mourns, the love that fight till the last chance. The love that see things for what they are. It was amazing.
Death, I can't describe it. I can't claim I know it, or fear it not. I do fear it. But I saw it. It's so simple, so natural. It was just "leaving". And as painful a separation could be, it means new beginning. And it doesn't always means the end.
I hope there is never an absolute end. And that life always survive. And that we manage to know the life on such level, that we never fear loosing it.

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